If you have been following Kino’s youtube channel, chances are you have heard her talk about maintaining an equanimous mind in your practice.
I would later learn more about this state of the mind in the 10-day Vipassana course.
Equanimity – Upekkha;Upeksha
Textbook definition:
Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.
In the context of Vipassana meditation, Equanimity is defined as:
Observing sensations without craving for pleasant sensations and aversion for unpleasant sensations.
To be equanimous is:
be unwavering or to stay neutral in the face of the eight vicissitudes of life (the Attha Loka Dhamma):
- gain and loss,
- good-repute and ill-repute,
- praise and censure, and
- happiness and sorrow
In Vipassana meditation, you cultivate equanimity by understanding the law of impermanence (anicca;anitya). You understand that good sensations in the body are temporary, and so are the painful ones. You observe until they cease to exist.
The practice of Ashtanga yoga in Mysore style is an opportunity to observe and develop this state of mind.
How Equanimity Changed My Practice
The timing of my Vipassana retreat and the start of my Mysore practice could not have come at a better time.
Before the retreat, I have had a difficult time to act on my yoga teacher job hunt. There are just too many excuses. But never because I don’t want to teach.
One reason I held off on finding a teaching job was to gain experience in meditation. And I had the expectation that going to a meditation retreat will help me clear my mind and (hopefully) lead me to my path.
The day after I came back from the retreat, I attended my first Mysore class. Today is almost a month since that day.
My yoga practice has evolved since. And not just in the physical aspect.
1- Intention
My intention in starting Mysore practice was to find where I am in my Ashtanga practice in the physical aspect and improve myself in both self-practice and teaching.
Surely, I have a lot of postures in the Primary series that I struggle with, namely, Marichyasana C and D, Supta Kurmasana, and Garbha Pindasana. In my home practice, I would either modify or just skip the pose entirely.
So when I stepped into my first class, I conditioned my mind to accept everything without question. I allowed myself to be objectively reevaluated. To openly receive judgment and welcome change without objection.
This helps dissolve my ego.
2- Patience
By setting myself back as an Ashtanga beginner, I have learned patience.
I don’t have that long of an experience in yoga. In fact, it was only 6 months since I started that I went for the teacher training. And it has just been a year since I completed the 200-hr course.
And even though I have completed the Secondary series in the advanced training, all these experiences do not necessarily put me at an “advanced” practitioner level.
A month into my Ashtanga practice, I am still in Supta Konasana. I have made it past the difficult poses of the series (and happy to say I’m starting to ease into them). But one thing that’s changed since day 1 is that I no longer have the desire to complete the Primary series for the sake of completing it and proving myself. I take each day as a chance to re-live, refine, and build-up my practice.
The past weeks has helped me rediscover my practice. And it is quite different from how I have been trained in the past, both in alignment and approach.
Now, I don’t force myself into the pose within the 5 breaths. Sure, I take longer breaths than most practitioners in the shala because it gives me more fire. But now, I allow myself to slowly breathe into the pose no matter how long it takes. Because that’s what Mysore style is all about – self-discovery.
I no longer feel the “addiction” to learn or “collect” new poses, Ashtanga or not.
I no longer count my “improvement” by the time it takes me to get there.
I no longer envy masterfully-choreographed yoga poses flooding Instagram.
Patience helps me understand and respect my body. What it can and cannot do. Test the limits of my physical body and will power. Equanimity helps me find the balance between the two.
I know that by consistent practice, even by just the Primary series, I will have gained the strength and flexibility to prepare me for more advanced and, maybe once in a while, fancy postures.
3- Humility
I accept myself at the level where I am at the present moment for it teaches me the value of humility.
Watching (and admiring) the other practitioners puts my own practice into perspective. I have a long way to go. And it requires a lot of hard work. And a lot of patience.
What humbles me dissolves my ego.
Equanimity helps me breathe.
My breath teaches me Equanimity.
What drives your practice?
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